“So, why not write a blog?”

Photo by Oladimeji Ajegbile

Perhaps because the very thought of the idea terrifies me!  What the hell would I write about?  I can’t talk about my work; I’m the world’s worst at parties, people come up to me and say “what do you do?” and when I tell them, the conversation often follows along the lines of “that must be really interesting?”  I acknowledge that it is, I tell them I love my work but when I have to say that I can’t talk about any of the detail about what it is I do, because of client confidentiality, the conversation ends and they go off to find someone a little less dull.  OK, one could argue that perhaps I could say a little, but I find that sometimes saying anything can lead to saying too much a lot quicker than saying nothing at all!

I might, also have to present an opinion; another thought that takes me to a place that seems strange and unfamiliar.  “In my opinion..” seems so judgemental to me now, and although those words were fairly common in a dim and distant past, on politics, on life and at one time, on other people.  It has been a long time since I have learned that my opinion was often far from the right one.  How could I cast my opinion on others when I didn’t know or truly understand what they might be going through; what they might have gone through in the past, and how they’ve arrived at where they are now?

And then of course, there’s the thought of talking about me.  As a therapist, it’s so often all about the client, that sometimes I find I forget who I am.  Maybe that is why I became a therapist?  Let me illustrate that by giving you some examples – I hate having my photograph taken, so, many years ago, and probably at some subconscious level, I learned to become a photographer just so I could always be on the less dangerous side of the camera.  If I consider my loathing of anything sharp, I could probably use the same argument to explain why I became an acupuncturist.

Being a therapist allows the formation of the relationship without having to divulge the sordid secrets of one’s past, “this is your session, not mine” is the standard response when asked intimate and personal details about my own life, which, as a fairly private person, I find I relish.  So the idea of writing a blog, feels like exposure at some level, and yet therein lies the irony, because as you are reading this, ergo, this is something I must have written.

But it’s also far more than mere exposure, it’s ‘old stuff’.  It’s the fear of criticism and ridicule that I have carried since the halcyon days of my boyhood; of being recognised as a dunce, an idiot, for my lack of ability to spell properly; dyslexia hadn’t been invented when I was at school back in the 70’s and it was not until the late 90’s and university that this inability was realised for what it was.  The chance rediscovery of education in my early 30’s opened up a new world, a sudden opportunity for me to finally fulfil a potential I never truly believed was there, and yet, somehow at a different level, knew for a certainty existed. 

And it is the idea of the unlocking of this hidden potential that provides quite a nice introduction to this blog page, because for me, it was the counselling I also had during this time that helped me to realise my ambitions, and discover that part of me that was able to get me to where I am today.  It’s been some journey, one on which some of you are about to embark, which I guess is why you are here and reading this, to try to find out whether I am the therapist for you.  Take the plunge, and in the same way I am committing to writing a regular blog for this website, you never know what you might discover!

It’s a scary journey, but one that I found, despite the heartache, despite the intensity, despite the tears, is worth it in the long run.  We can never be truly aware of just how worth it until we give it a go!  By sharing what we can, and by listening to the feedback from others, it is inevitable that we can discover a hidden potential, our true potential.  Sometimes we have to take a risk, a leap of faith to see where we end up, hence what you are reading now, despite my fears, I have learned that we can achieve whatever we truly desire, just by giving it a go.  So ask me again, “why not write a blog?”  You know, I might just do that!