How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse: A Therapist’s Guide

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Narcissistic abuse can leave deep emotional scars. Whether it’s from a partner, parent, boss, or friend, being entangled in a relationship with someone high in narcissistic traits often leads to confusion, self-doubt, anxiety, and even trauma. Healing is possible—but it requires understanding, support, and time.

In this article, we’ll continue to explore what narcissistic abuse is, the psychological impact it can have, and evidence-based steps you can take to recover and rebuild your sense of self. (For previous articles on narcissistic abuse, click here.)

What Is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of manipulative behaviours carried out by someone with narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It can include:

• Gaslighting (making you doubt your reality) - for more information, click here

• Love-bombing followed by withdrawal or criticism

• Emotional manipulation and control

• Blame-shifting and projection

• Lack of empathy or accountability

  
  

According to the DSM-5, narcissistic traits include grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. But in relationships, this often translates to emotional invalidation, eroded boundaries, and psychological harm.

Psychological Impact of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse isn’t always easy to recognize, especially because it often begins with charm, intense affection, or admiration. Over time, this is replaced by emotional chaos, leaving survivors feeling “crazy,” drained, and unworthy.

Studies have shown long-term effects that can include:

1. Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

C-PTSD can result from ongoing relational trauma. Symptoms include emotional flashbacks, hypervigilance, low self-worth, and difficulty regulating emotions. A study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress (2015) showed that prolonged emotional abuse can trigger symptoms comparable to those found in war veterans.

2. Anxiety and Depression

Living with constant emotional unpredictability leads to chronic anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. You might feel like you’re “never good enough” or constantly walking on eggshells.

3. Cognitive Dissonance

Survivors often struggle to reconcile the “loving” version of the narcissist with the hurtful one. This mental conflict can delay healing and lead to confusion and self-blame.

How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Healing is not about fixing yourself—because you’re not broken. It’s about recovering parts of yourself that were suppressed, denied, or damaged in the relationship.

Here are five research-backed steps that can support your healing journey:

1. Establish No Contact or Low Contact

The most powerful step is often the hardest: setting boundaries. For many, this means going no contact with the narcissist—or low contact if children or shared responsibilities are involved. "Healing doesn’t begin until the abuse ends.” – Dr. Ramani Durvasula. This boundary protects your energy and gives your nervous system space to recover.

2. Validate Your Experience

Many survivors were told they were “too sensitive” or “imagining things.” Validating your pain is crucial.

• Journaling your experiences helps reconnect with your reality. (For more on journaling, click here)

• Support groups (online or in person) can provide shared understanding and empathy.

• Therapy can help you process emotional trauma and challenge internalised gaslighting.

  
  

According to a 2020 study in Psychological Services, validation and narrative therapy significantly improve emotional regulation and self-trust in survivors of emotional abuse.

3. Rebuild Your Identity

In toxic dynamics, your sense of self can erode. The narcissist often controls how you see yourself—creating a version of you that fits their needs.

Healing involves reclaiming your authentic self:

• Reconnect with old hobbies, interests, and values

• Practice self-reflection: “What do I want, outside of someone else's approval?”

• Say no without guilt

Identity work is at the core of healing.

4. Learn About Narcissistic Abuse

Understanding the psychological dynamics of abuse is empowering. Knowledge reduces shame and helps you recognize red flags in the future.

Books, podcasts, and trusted therapists can help you understand:

• Why narcissists behave the way they do

• Why you stayed (hint: trauma bonding is real)

• How to break the cycle

Trauma bonding refers to emotional attachments that develop through repeated cycles of abuse and intermittent reinforcement. The term, originally from research on hostage victims (Dutton & Painter, 1981), is now widely applied to toxic relationships.

5. Work with a Trauma-Informed Therapist

Therapy is a safe space to:

• Grieve the relationship you wanted

• Process the gaslighting and confusion

• Rebuild trust in yourself

  
  

Trauma-informed therapists use approaches like EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), or somatic therapy to heal not just thoughts, but bodily-held trauma.

A 2022 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that trauma-focused therapies led to measurable reductions in emotional dysregulation and self-blame in survivors of narcissistic abuse.

You Deserve to Heal

Healing from narcissistic abuse is not linear. Some days, you might feel empowered; others, emotionally raw. That’s normal. What matters is that you’re moving toward clarity, peace, and self-trust—one step at a time.

Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

If you’re struggling to make sense of a toxic relationship or rebuild your self-worth, you don’t have to do it alone.

At Ben Selby Counselling, I offer a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your experience, reconnect with your authentic self, and move toward lasting healing. I specialise in helping survivors of emotional abuse, narcissistic relationships, and complex trauma.

Book a consultation today

Your healing starts with one safe conversation. Click here to contact me.