I sat aghast in a recent session, when a client expressed their disappointment that the changes they had wanted to make in counselling “just haven’t happened!” This disappointment was carefully wrapped in the anger they had indicated was a problem to them in life and for which they had engaged in therapy. I should point out that my aghast-ness, had nothing to do with the idea that a client might be expressing disappointment in either me or their therapy, it had more to do with this being only their third session, or second if you don’t want to count the assessment.
The client that followed had their own frustrations. As someone whose partner works away from home, the client has an expectation that during times when the partner is there, there will be a connection, but is frequently disappointed because of the partner’s preoccupation with Facebook and email, which constantly seems to come between them; “but they expect a reply..” is the reason given for this need to be continually attached to some sort of computer device.
It is certainly true that in these days of instant communications, there is an expectation of instant responses. How far we have come from my boyhood days, when the telephone line was shared with a neighbour and on the rare occasion that I wanted (or was allowed) to make a telephone call, I would often have to wait for my rather chatty ‘three doors down’ to finish her phone call, before I could dial out! Long gone are the days when someone would leave a message because I was out of the house, most of us are constantly attached to the world with a mobile in our pockets.
As technology has developed since those halcyon days, we are forever promised better, faster processing speeds, more RAM, quicker connectivity. Our TV’s are adorned with pictures of the fastest man in the world promising us ‘more power’, and to some extent, it’s no bad thing, we are able to keep in touch with loved ones in times of crisis, and check on the youngers when they are late or missing, always supposing they answer the phone or respond to their texts. But can we cope with this expectation? What are the implications for therapy when, as far as I am aware, the process speeds of our clients remains unchanged?
I also wonder if we as an industry, collude in some way with this expectation that life changes can be immediate? In the cash strapped society in which we live, I have seen the maximum number of sessions in some of our local agencies fall to facilitate a greater turnover of clients and ensure more people are seen. I am so grateful, that as a private therapist I do not have that limitation. I also understand that with limited resources in the public sector, something has to give but by limiting sessions to four or less, does this create a perception for the client that by the fourth session, “I’m going to be better”? In the wider sense, seeing the speed of the world around us, do our clients have the expectation that they can make the changes they need with the same rapidity?
I would argue not. As a therapist, I am looking for patterns of behaviour that are often formed around introjects we learn over a period of time, sometimes years of childhood and adolescence. We often learn these from caregivers and peers, an obvious example being ‘big boys don’t cry’. In this example, relearning that sometimes ‘big boys’ do, realising that it is important to be able to demonstrate feelings for another, is something that takes a while to understand and even longer to put into action. We can take forever, to understand our thoughts and feelings and the interaction that can often direct our behaviour. We rarely consider the impact our behaviour may have on our spirit.
“How long will it take?” is a question that I hear over and over again at the start of therapy, so much so, I have included the answer in the contract I negotiate with clients. I wish I had an answer, but as with all therapy, I’m afraid the answer lives within the individual. I can’t promise better or faster, I can promise the opportunity for the client to sit and take time for themselves, an often rare and precious opportunity in a world that holds us all in expectation to get on with it.
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